Posts tagged ‘psychology’

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Warrior Position Available – Apply Within

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LIVE LIFE WITH A WARRIOR ATTITUDE!

How you do anything is how you do everything.  When I started TCOY Wellness, I decided to share and coach my “take care of you” philosophy and lifestyle which is centered around having a WARRIOR mindset.

My Racquetball Warriors embrace my mantra “I PLAY. I WIN.” as it represents the fact that because you are active and playing, you are a winner. The same holds true for my TCOY Wellness Warriors, health is determined by your actions or lack of actions. Life isn’t meant to be spent sitting on the sidelines!

Life isn’t easy.  Anything of value won’t come easy.  Rather than seeing things as “problems”, see them as “challenges” and “opportunities for growth”!  Put on the mental and emotional armor of a WARRIOR knowing you were designed with a purpose.  Faith, courage and strength will destroy fear and doubt. Focus on what you WANT, not what you don’t want.  Be PASSIONATE!

Suit up my fellow WARRIOR. Your life is calling you!  Time won’t be given to you for this task, you have to claim it.  Coach Lucy

Revive the Warrior Within

by Sean Diedel

Do you remember that feeling? That one deep inside that you used to know that now seems only a distant dream? The fire that once burned deep within you that longs to make a difference; to change the world; to be somebody? It’s been long since snuffed out under the cold reality of being caged up at the office hour upon hour, or pounding the streets just hoping to make that last sale, all in attempt to scratch out a decent living so you can hope to somehow enjoy this life.

Make no mistake about it. You are at war! At war with the world. At war against even what is within you. If you weren’t then life would be easy. Yes, you are a warrior! But now you feel that the warrior that once was is now replaced by the driven side of you aching to get ahead, or the complacency that’s kept you a prisoner because the world says it’s what you have to do. The world says that only the strong survive. Somehow we’ve attributed this to mean that if we can’t make it on our own we are not strong enough to survive, so we bow down to the defeat of a meaningless life.

Every day you spend not being whom you were meant to be, means you die inside a little more. Well it’s high time to revive that warrior, to train him, to sharpen his sword and ready him for battle! But how? That man is long dead and gone. Wrong! Here’s how you can let him out and keep him out:

  1. Know Who You Are – You cannot do anything before you know who you are. I mean what you were made for, what you are made of. This is a lot more than just taking the latest personality test to find out what kind of person you are. No, this is a deep and soulful search for the true you. In a noisy world that is screaming at you what you should be it’s tough to hear, but it’s there. Your name plays a big part in who you are. This subject could be an entire book, but within your name you will find not only your meaning in life, but your mission. Every great warrior has a great mission and it stems from more than just superficiality. It is about something or someone that is higher than you. Find this and there will be no stopping you! There is no set of steps I can tell you that explains how to do this. But when you do the next step, you’ll begin to know.
  2. Face Your Fears – Fears are keeping you from being who you were meant to be. If you listen to them you will get a clue of what you should be doing because your fears are designed to send you in the opposite direction. Fear means you run away from whatever is attacking you. Your enemy is trying to keep you from winning and uses scare tactics. Discover your fears, and trace them in the reverse direction and you will find that warrior within.
  3. Know Your Enemies –You must know what and who is truly fighting against you and what or who you need to ally with. This means you look deeper within to see what is real and not basing it upon actions taken on you. It means understanding their intentions for you. Actions don’t always reveal someone’s intentions against you because we live in a world of facades where we want people to think differently about us than we feel about us inside. It can be hard to discern between someone who is attacking you to hide their true self from you and someone who is truly attacking you. It’s all in their intentions. If you can trace the actions back to core of that person or thing and it truly stands in opposition to you, you’ve found an enemy.
  4. Stand Up and Fight –Though they may be hidden deep within you, the passions you have are there for a reason. The world will tell you that you can’t do that which is deep within you. They are just silly childish desires that you need to learn to ignore when you get older. It will tell you that you should just conform to the way things are and not rock the boat. You know the conversation. You’ve had many of them your whole life. Me too. But a warrior doesn’t walk up to his enemy and bow down and lay his sword on the ground before them. If he does he knows his head is going to get lopped off. No, a warrior walks up to his enemy, spits in his face and says “How you dare defy the very being of who I am!”, then raises up his sword and goes into fierce battle. You have to stand up for what you know deep within you is real and means something. I’m not talking about that latest charity or philanthropic venture you’ve been thinking about. Remember, this is much deeper than you or anyone else. What you stand for is at the very core of who you are and how you were made. If you have trouble finding it the world will lose the only one that could have completed the mission you were meant to complete. No one else in the world is capable of performing your mission. No one. When you find the thing that no one else can do, then you have found what you’re looking for. Then stand up and fight for it!
  5. Realize You Are Not Alone –Hollywood is full of movies where there is just one hero or one warrior who takes down the forces of evil by himself. It’s captivating no doubt. Let’s be honest. When you see those heroes in action isn’t there something deep down inside of you that longs to be like that? To have that kind of bravery, strength and courage? Of course! It’s exciting! But you have to realize that working alone only works in the movies. In reality a warrior does not typically win a battle but a band of warriors will! Your reality is more like the movie 300, a group of people that come together each strong unto themselves, but together producing massive strength, courage and ultimately honor that cannot be produced alone. You are not alone. There are many warriors out there, and they are all hurt just like you. Yes, you do have to be strong enough to stand on your own, but you can’t be alone and win. That’s how you get hurt. You have to band together with like-minded warriors, lock shields and do this thing together. It won’t work any other way.
  6. Give Away Honor – As I mentioned before, a warrior does not fight for himself but for something much deeper than that. Otherwise he fights a meaningless battle, probably much like the one you’re currently facing. When you stand and fight together with a band of warriors and you win a battle, don’t forget where the honor truly lies. It lies with the entire group, with everyone who spoke into your life to strengthen and train your warrior; it lies within the higher calling that brought you this mission and to victory. Be proud and stand tall as a warrior, but give away any honor to those where it is due. If you do, you will always have warriors that stand ready to do battle with you again.

I promise if you will commit to these steps you will revive that warrior inside of you that is dying to be unleashed. Even if you don’t feel like he’s there anymore, he will begin to surface when you engage in this process, believe me. It’ll be like waking a sleeping giant. We were made to be warriors. So be bold, be courageous and revive the warrior within you. Regardless of what they may say, the world needs it. Your family needs it. You need it.

The Warrior

The Warrior longs to be free

The Warrior that hides deep within me

The world says he’s long been dead

But I know he’s merely sleeping instead

With revelry I scream and shout

“Warrior, come forth, it’s time to come out!”

Show the world who you are

Your wound was not fatal but merely a scar

Even the noblest have been hurt

But I will not stay in the dirt

I will not be the one who died

Not reviving the warrior inside

Image source: www.fanpop.com

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The Present (a very special gift)

When we fail to value the present moment, we fail to value life. If you take care of the moments, the hours and days will take care of themselves.

Last month, we took to the streets of KC for my 5th Annual FREE HUG DAY.  We captured some great pictures for the 2014 video.    I hope you enjoy it and will share with others!  ~ Cyber hugs ~ Coach Lucy

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THE GIFT by Leo Babauta (Zen Habits)

Three people are given a magical gift by a luminous, kindhearted fairy.

The gift is that for just one hour, they get to experience magic and wonders. This limited time is filled with visual delights, food of the utmost deliciousness, amazing people with incredible talents, and love.

The first person is a great man, and while he’s grateful for the gift, he has lots to do and so regrettably has to spend a lot of it replying to emails and texts, and checking for updates in social media. He does take some pictures of the delicious food and shares it on social media, though he doesn’t pay attention to the taste.

The second person is a bit of procrastinator (OK, let’s be honest: a big procrastinator), and while she really wants to use this gift wisely, she keeps putting it off. She spends much of the hour watching videos the first guy posts online of the magical world, but she doesn’t go out and experience it herself.

The third person is blown away by this gift. What an incredible opportunity! She realizes she needs to make the most of it, but isn’t sure how.

So she starts by paying attention. She notices every little detail. She listens to the amazing people she meets, and tries to really see them for who they are. She tastes the food and pays close attention to every sensation as she eats, savoring the food slowly.

She then practices gratitude for every moment, every person, everything she’s given. She’s filled with happiness by every little thing in this hour.

Finally, she changes people’s lives. She uses what’s left of this dwindling hour to learn magic skills, to heal people who are struggling (including the first guy), to make things to delight the other amazing people in this magical world.

She becomes the gift for others.

The hour is over, and the first two people realize they’ve wasted the gift, and will never get it again. They’re filled with regret. The third person has no regrets, because she paid attention, was grateful, and used the magic to change lives. She used the gift to its fullest potential.

Which of those three people are you?

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Best Advice for Graduates

If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.”

-U.S. Navy SEAL William H. McRaven to the graduating class of the University of Texas. 

“If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another.

By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making yourbed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter.

If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.

And, if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made—that you made—and a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better.

  • HOW YOU DO ANYTHING IS HOW YOU DO EVERYTHING!
  • If you take care of the minutes, the hours and days will take care of themselves.
  • TCOY = Take Care of You!   Coach Lucy

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The Donkey Did It!

The Donkey that fell into a well

 

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well.

The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. they all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then,to everyone’s amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!

Remember these five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

The Aging Mirror

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The Gray Mirror

According to Ideo, studies have shown that when confronted with artificially aged photographs of themselves, young people are more willing to save for retirement or adopt healthier behaviors. Designed by Ideo Boston, the Gray Mirror is a concept that allows younger folks to see themselves fast-forwarded, displaying positive messages about aging and encouraging them to make healthy choices while they still can.  (Ideo.com)

WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET YOUR ATTENTION…TAKE CARE OF YOU! 

Your health IS my business. Let’s do wellness together, for the health of it!

 

Top 5 Relationship Life Skills

   

Below is an excerpt from a blog post by Colleen P. Arnold, Ph.D., MFT.  They are good tips on how to make a lasting and strong relationship.  Whether it be a romantic relationship, friendship or siblings…aim to incorporate these five skills.  TCOY!

1. Know How to Listen1422276_45008904

Because I’ve been a Professional Listener for over 20 years, sometimes I forget that it’s actually a learned skill. I’m usually reminded how few people really know how to listen when I spend time with someone who isn’t a good listener.

First off, listening is *not* waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can share your story. Listening involves really following what someone is saying, and then asking questions to clarify or deepen your understanding of what the other person is saying. Listening involves having a reaction to what the other person is saying: do you let your face reflect your surprise, sorrow, anger, or enjoyment as your partner is talking? Do your comments reflect that you’ve understood what they’re saying?

Are you able to figure out the difference between someone really needing to vent or be heard, and to stay quieter at those times, and a conversation where the other person has the energy and ability to listen to you, too?

2. Know How to Apologize

True apologies don’t contain the word “but.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” is also not a true apology. If you’re sad that your partner is hurt but you really don’t think you did anything wrong, say that.

Don’t apologize if you didn’t do anything wrong. If there’s disagreement about that, you have to talk it out so you and your partner can figure out where the disconnect is.

If you have done something you’re sorry for, say it. Maybe even say it twice. I know – it’s hard. It’s hard to admit you’ve made a mistake. But a true apology goes a LONG way towards softening anger and maintaining connection. I’ve had partners tell me, “I can’t apologize because it gives them too much power.” And I always ask, “What exactly are you able to hold onto by withholding an apology? Your pride? Is it worth it?”

3. Know How to Fight Fair

When you share your life with someone, you’re going to have disagreements. There are going to be misunderstandings, and you’re going to make each other mad sometimes. That’s life. But knowing how to navigate through those times can make the difference between celebrating your 40th anniversary together, or once again paying the divorce lawyer.

Fighting fair means staying on topic. Figure out what the main point is that you want to get across, and stick to that. Take a time out to think if you have to. Most of us don’t think very clearly when emotions are running high. It’s a lot more productive to figure out that you need more help around the house and to say so, then to call your husband an F-ing asshole. If you’re furious, chances are pretty good that you’re going to come out with guns blazing, and your partner/co-worker/friend is going to feel attacked and nothing constructive is going to happen. Take a break to calm down and re-engage the rational part of your brain.

Fighting fair means no name calling. See above. The idea in fighting fair is to keep both of you from getting defensive and shutting down. Being mean is not going to further your interests. Ever. It just creates so much more hurt to clean up later.

Fighting fair also means not just getting your point across, but listening to your partner’s point of view. See #1.

4. Know How to Open Up

“What does it mean,’ he asked, ‘when she says she wants me to open up? I tell her how my day was. I tell her whatever she wants to know. I don’t know what else to do!”

Opening up means telling your partner about what’s going on inside you – what you’re thinking about your job, how you’re feeling about your parents’ aging, what is making you anxious, what is making you happy. Not everyone has practice articulating their inner life, and it’s possible your partner just isn’t used to anyone being interested in hearing about it.

Opening up is how we gain intimacy in relationships. It’s how we feel closer to each other. If you’re not very good at it, try to get better. That’s all anyone can really ask. A good faith effort goes a long way.

If you could open up, though, and are choosing not to, you may be withholding part of yourself from your partner, and your partner may be hurt by this. Some people are really all out there with everything, and some people hold their cards closer to their chest. It’s a personal decision, but if you’re partner continues to feel like you’re being distant or withholding, you might want to consider why you’d be afraid to be close to them.

5. Know When to Be Honest, and When to Be Kind. 

Yep, I’m gonna say it. Honesty is overrated. Sometimes kindness is more important. Where’s the line? You’ll have to figure that out for yourself. Just trust me when I say that very few couples make it through the long haul without sometimes choosing kindness over honesty.

I’m not talking about keeping huge secrets or betrayals. I’m talking about telling your wife she’s gorgeous even (maybe especially) when she’s not feeling gorgeous. I’m talking about not criticizing your husband for the way he folds towels, and just quietly refolding them yourself if you have to. Or swallowing your annoyance about them being late again when they finally show up flustered and upset about whatever delayed them.

People get very touchy when I bring this up. “Aren’t we supposed to be able to say anything? Are you asking me to put all my needs aside?”

Of course not. All I’m saying is, let’s have a little tact and common sense. How important is the complaint you’re about to lodge? Really, really important? You’re not going to be able to sleep unless you address it? Then by all means, have at it. Let your feelings be known.

But is it a minor annoyance and maybe your partner’s had a bad day? Eh….consider letting it go. Maybe next time it happens the timing will be better and you can gently bring it up. Maybe not.

Five Immediate Confidence Builders

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Confidence comes in doing. Our world tends to show and post only the outcomes, not the hard effort, defeats and bloopers along the way. Watch some bloopers and remember, we are all a work in progress. *I also would add get a workout in, that physical release is also a mental release.

Whether you have to give a speech, need to negotiate with someone, want to find a mate, or simply get ahead in life, confidence is your best friend. If you’re lacking in that regard, here’s how to change your thinking or in the very least make it appear as if you’re comfortable in your own skin. 

Below is an excerpt from: Article – Simple Tricks to immediately build your Confidence. Christina DesMarais, a writer for Inc.com, Forbes, PCWorld, and the Minneapolis Tribune.

1. Don’t slouch.

Regardless of your confidence level, slouching communicates you lack faith in yourself.

Try posting a note on the edge of your computer display with a reminder such as an up arrow in thick red marker or the words “SIT UP STRAIGHT”. To correct yourself, roll your shoulders back and imagine someone just pulled a string from the top of your head, elongating your spine and raising your chin so it’s in a neutral, forward-facing position.

If you’re really serious about improving your posture you could try LumoBack. It’s a $150 sensor you strap around your lower back under your clothes. Every time you slouch it vibrates to remind you to straighten up. The LumoBack app, which works on newer iOS devices, reports on how well you’re doing, as well as other activities, such as steps taken, how much time you spend sitting and how many times you stood up in a day.

2. Understand that most people aren’t thinking about you.

Self-conscious people worry too much about what others think about them. The thing is, usually other people aren’t thinking about them–at all.

Imagine you had the magical power to read the thoughts of the people around you. You know what you’d hear a lot of? Stuff like this:

Crap, I forgot to stop by the bank… I shouldn’t have eaten that cake Susan brought to work, now I feel fat… I hope Sara flirts with me again tonight at volleyball like she did last week… Why should I have to clean the downstairs bathroom when Bill is the only one in the house who uses it?

Notice how many times “I” might pop up? Humans are remarkably self-absorbed.

3. Nix negative self-talk.

If “diffident” describes you well, there’s a good chance you’re an over-thinker with a lot of negative self-talk rolling around in your head.

Pay attention to what you’re saying to yourself. Every time you think something like “I can’t do this” replace it with something positive such as “I’m going to give it my best shot.” The key is to step out of yourself and look at your self-talk as an outsider. How would it make you feel to hear someone sitting next to you say “I’m so [fat, dumb, ugly, slow, etc.]?” Pretty harsh, right?

Nurture yourself within your thought life, just as you might with someone else.

4. Lighten up.

Some people are naturally more serious than others. If this is you, learn to smile and laugh more. Even a simple grin will suffice to entice others to want to be around you.

To make smiling a habit, set a time when you’ll practice doing it for several minutes straight–maybe in the car on your way to work. It will seem weird, but after a while smiling will come more naturally. Studies have also shown that forcing yourself to smile is good for your health, as well.

Need help laughing? America’s Funniest Home videos work wonders for me, and can easily be streamed online for free. Or why not plug some headphones into your computer and get happy during your lunch break with a comedy channel on YouTube? Or use the “funny” filter at Ted.com to watch TED Talks that will get you giggling.

5. Handle mistakes with grace.

How you handle slip-ups is also important. Confident people understand no one is perfect and however you just screwed up, it’s probably not the end of the world.

Ask yourself: How important will this mistake seem in three months?

If whatever you did involves your work output, acknowledge your flub and vow to do better next time. If your “mistake” is only that you said something stupid or tripped over a box in the storage room landing in a mess on the floor, try laughing it off. It’s the most gracious way to handle a blunder.

A version of this article was originally published by Christina DesMarais on Inc.com.

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